I love a list. You know this. So, I was scratching my head in a search for all things “listy” when I looked at my Site Stats and it came to me. Fancy that?!
No one visits my blog because…
1. I am the only person in the world that likes bad movies. The other night I watched Arena – a film from 1989 about a human on an intergalactic space station that has to fight “aliens” (see: men in rubber suits) in an arena – AND I actually enjoyed it. No one wants to know about that. It’s clear to me now.
2. I don’t actually tell anyone this blog exists. It’s just more socially acceptable to type something to an empty internet audience than to walk around mumbling to yourself.
3. Zombies are sooooo 2007. This is not my fault. I can’t help it if zombies are awesome and everybody else is just fickle, bandwagon-jumping-on-and-off, Z-haters. I shall continue to talk about them. You’re the ones that are missing out.
4. My posts are too long. Seriously. Way too long. I even get bored typing them. But my hands are like Ash’s in Evil Dead II – they just do their own thing.
5. I don’t really talk about the art of sampling much. You know, I should because it’s in the tagline for the blog. Talking about sampling is hard, though, because the only people who pay attention are other producers and you just know that they’re going to steal that one sample you’ve been saving for a rainy day and produce a killer tune that makes you want to quit hip hop forever.
6. Because I can’t count.
7. Because I feel that the copy checker is trying to make me seem stupid by objecting to “complex expressions” such as “endeavour”. Seriously. Endeavour? Since when is that complex? As a result, I ignore all of the copy checker’s advice and post material that is plagued by poor grammar, typos and factual inaccuracies. I know it’s behind the factual inaccuracies somehow. One day, copy checker… one day.